I have been trying to see how I can sum up everything that has happened and what I have gotten out of DTS and let me say that it hasn't been an easy journey, but it has been the most rewarding most life changing experience that I have ever had. My character, my thoughts, my opinions, my whole being has been tested and challenged. Nothing is what I expected it to be, I stepped off the plane in Kona on January and said here I am God do your will. I learned to give up my rights to everything, knowing that nothing that I physically own or I think I own is not mine. It is all His. I had a dream one of the nights where I lost EVERYTHING in my life. My parents got divorced, my dad died, my fiance broke up with me, everything was crumbling away from me and I couldn’t do anything. I remember I suddenly woke up from this dream and the word of the Lord came and said “ Would you still follow me” I had to really think about that. Would I still follow Jesus if he took everything that I thought was mine away from me. When we lost our passports which again was something none of us thought or saw coming I was tested again. Would I still follow Jesus even if I was literally blind to see what even the next hour had in store for me. I had no plan, I had nothing to do, I could’t do anything, I seeked the Lord but he just said wait and see. Would I still follow and trust God enough that he had a plan for this. I don’t even have the right to ask Why are you doing this God all I could do is proclaim that he is FAITHFUL that he is who He says he is and he does everything for the good of those you love him. “ I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, no turning back”
When I got to China it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be like. I was in a fishbowl, people saw me and instantly thought that I had the most amazing life that they could not even begin to imagine, they took pictures of us and just wanted to be around us. The spirit of fear was so heavy there that you had to battle with everything you had. It wasn’t a typical “missions” trip like I though it would be when we go and help people clean something, or work in a homeless shelter. You can’t do hardly anything there except pray and even then you had to do it under your breath if you were out in public. The power of prayer is just as effective as going out and helping with an orphanage, or spending time with the elderly. Its not about performance, its not about what people think that a outreach should look like it all about following the Holy Spirit as he leads and prompts you to do something. I mean I think all that is important and you need to go out and do acts but it not all about that! It you don’t have pray you are being un effective. You cant do anything without prayer! When we prayed in China I could feel the air getting lighter the stronghold over that city were being lifted and even if we could’t see anything physically there was something very big happening in the spiritual realm and sometimes that is all you can do. The culture was a lot bigger of a shock then I though it would be and I felt really helpless because how can we reach these people if they can’t really understand us, we can’t really say the name of Jesus, we can’t even bow our heads to pray in the streets. I felt so restricted, but there is always a cost for following Jesus. Something that I learned back in DTS is that God is the God of the world, he owns every piece of land and because I am his child no matter where I go, no matter what country I am that is my home, because God owns that land. I gave up my rights as an American and as foreigner and proclaimed that city back to God and I would no longer go out in the streets feeling like I couldn’t make a difference, and that the culture was something I would never understand. No I learned to adapt I tried to understand the culture and stop feeling like a foreigner. Everyday in China I felt like I was in God’s hands he worked all the timing out, he took care of us my providing AMAZING housing, if we need a translator he brought someone into our path. Everything was so lead by the Lord.
The cost of following Jesus is great, but the reward you get from following him is so much greater. It will cost all your comfort, everything you own, all your rights to your family, to your money, to sleep, to be what we think is “normal”, it will cost you to go without a bed, to do things that you don’t understand. I have decided that no matter the cost and no matter the discomfort I will follow Jesus because he is good, he takes care of me, he wont leave me alone, and when I feel like I can’t do it anymore he gives me the strength to carry on, I am his child, his love is sufficient and never ceases, and the peace that i get from following Jesus with my whole heart is far greater than anything I could ever achieve myself. Its far more worth than anything I could ever own. He is all I will ever need and as long as I am under the shadow of his wing. I will rest, I will have peace, and a joy that can never be quenched.
I have been set free from my past in a way I never even knew was possible. My faith has been made strong and has stood the test. God wants me to the person he first designed me to be that the enemy is constantly trying to steal away from me. I have learned to strive to be a friend of God’s as person that he finds trustworthy, and obedient to do his will and share secrets with. I just want to tell everyone that think that being a Christian is boring and if you think that it is than you don’t know the Jesus I know because the Jesus I know never lets me have a boring day. Everytime I go and worship Him he meets me and reveals to me things that I couldn’t even imagine, new revelation about things are made new to me, I am filled with a joy and a peace and a better understanding of who I am in Him. There is SOO much more than going to church every Sunday morning, or doing good deeds, and doing your ministry! Its everyday waking up starting off your day saying “ I love you Jesus” and letting him respond back to you “ I love you too my Child” and letting him speak through you all day letting him guide you! If your reading this and you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior I want you to know that your missing out on something that is greater than anything you can ever imagine. Its not about rules and restrictions and all that religious stuff you have heard about all your life. Its all about a relationship with the Creator than one that has an everlasting love for you that has been with you whether you wanted him to be or not. He has changed my life, made it worth living, saved me from anxiety, depression, shame, and a lifestyle that was pointless. He gave me my worth back, He speaks to me, He leads me, He heals me, He is my bestfriend, and there are times when I can feel him so thick in a room that I know if I open my eyes I will see his face. He is the king of Kings, Lord of Lords, the lover of my soul. He is what keeps me going, he is what makes everything ok, I can depend on him and lean on him more than any human being. Don’t waste one more day invite him to live in your heart. Invite him to just take over your life to carry the burden that is so heavy and always bringing you done. Let him be your direction when you don’t know what to do next you can’t see out of the place you are at; when you don’t know where to turn too. If you want the Jesus I know than all you have to do it let go and let him come and consume you. So if you want that than I encourage you to pray this pray right where you are
“Lord Jesus, I want you and need you in my life. I confess all my sins and say that you have forgiven me when you died for me on the cross. You have taken all my burdens, all my worry, all shame, and all my pain. I accept you as my creator and Lord of my life, I accept the unconditional love you have for me. My life is no longer my own I need you to come and take it. I love you. Amen”
