Until the whole world knows.....MY God Reigns

I have been trying to see how I can sum up everything that has happened and what I have gotten out of DTS and let me say that it hasn't been an easy journey, but it has been the most rewarding most life changing experience that I have ever had. My character, my thoughts, my opinions, my whole being has been tested and challenged. Nothing is what I expected it to be, I stepped off the plane in Kona on January and said here I am God do your will. I learned to give up my rights to everything, knowing that nothing that I physically own or I think I own is not mine. It is all His. I had a dream one of the nights where I lost EVERYTHING in my life.  My parents got divorced, my dad died, my fiance broke up with me, everything was crumbling away from me and I couldn’t do anything. I remember I suddenly woke up from this dream and the word of the Lord came and said “ Would you still follow me” I had to really think about that. Would I still follow Jesus if he took everything that I thought was mine  away from me.  When we lost our passports which again was something none of us thought or saw coming I was tested again. Would I still follow Jesus even if I was literally blind to see what even the next hour had in store for me. I had no plan, I had nothing to do, I could’t do anything, I seeked the Lord but he just said wait and see. Would I still follow and trust God enough that he had a plan for this. I don’t even have the right to ask Why are you doing this God  all I could do is proclaim that he is FAITHFUL that he is who He says he is and he does everything for the good of those you love him. “ I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, no turning back”

When I got to China it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be like. I was in a fishbowl, people saw me and instantly thought that I had the most amazing life that they could not even begin to imagine, they took pictures of us and just wanted to be around us. The spirit of fear was so heavy there that  you had to battle with everything you had. It wasn’t a typical “missions” trip like I though it would be when we go and help people clean something, or work in a homeless shelter.  You can’t do hardly anything there except pray and even then you had to do it under your breath if you were out in public. The power of prayer is just as effective as going out and helping with an orphanage, or spending time with the elderly. Its not about performance, its not about what people think that a outreach should look like it all about following the Holy Spirit as he leads and prompts you to do something. I mean I think all that is important and you need to go out and do acts but it not all about that! It you don’t have pray you are being un effective. You cant do anything without prayer! When we prayed in China I could feel the air getting lighter the stronghold over that city were being lifted and even if we could’t see anything physically there was something very big happening in the spiritual realm and sometimes that is all you can do. The culture was a lot bigger of a shock then I though it would be and I felt really helpless because how can we reach these people if they can’t really understand us, we can’t really say the name of Jesus, we can’t even bow our heads to pray in the streets. I felt so restricted, but there is always a cost for following Jesus. Something that I learned back in DTS is that God is the God of the world, he owns every piece of land and because I am his child no matter where I go, no matter what country I am that is my home, because God owns that land. I gave up my rights as an American and as foreigner and proclaimed that city back to God and I would no longer go out in the streets feeling like I couldn’t make a difference, and that the culture was something I would never understand. No I learned to adapt I tried to understand the culture and stop feeling like a foreigner. Everyday in China I felt like I was in God’s hands he worked all the timing out, he took care of us my providing AMAZING housing, if we need a translator he brought someone into our path. Everything was so lead by the Lord.

The cost of following Jesus is great, but the reward you get from following him is so much greater. It will cost all your comfort, everything you own, all your rights to your family, to your money, to sleep, to be what we think is “normal”, it will cost you to go without a bed, to do things that you don’t understand. I have decided that no matter the cost and no matter the discomfort I will follow Jesus because he is good, he takes care of me, he wont leave me alone, and when I feel like I can’t do it anymore he gives me the strength to carry on, I am his child, his love is sufficient and never ceases, and the peace that i get from following Jesus with my whole heart is far greater than anything I could ever achieve myself. Its far more worth than anything I could ever own. He is all I will ever need and as long as I am under the shadow of his wing. I will rest, I will have peace, and a joy that can never be quenched.

    I have been set free from my past in a way I never even knew was possible. My faith has been made strong and has stood the test. God wants me to the person he first designed me to be that the enemy is constantly trying to steal away from me. I  have learned to strive to be a friend of God’s as person that he finds trustworthy, and obedient to do his will and share secrets with. I just want to tell everyone that think that being a Christian is boring and if you think that it is than you don’t know the Jesus I know because the Jesus I know never lets me have a boring day. Everytime I go and worship Him he meets me and reveals to me things that I couldn’t even imagine, new revelation about things are made new to me, I am filled with a joy and a peace and a better understanding of who I am in Him. There is SOO much more than going to church every Sunday morning, or doing good deeds, and doing your ministry! Its everyday waking up starting off your day saying “ I love you Jesus” and letting him respond back to you “ I love you too my Child” and letting him speak through you all day letting him guide you! If your reading this and you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior I want you to know that your missing out on something that is greater than anything you can ever imagine. Its not about rules and restrictions and all that religious stuff you have heard about all your life. Its all about a relationship with the Creator than one that has an everlasting love for you that has been with you whether you wanted him to be or not. He has changed my life, made it worth living, saved me from anxiety, depression, shame, and a lifestyle that was pointless. He gave me my worth back, He speaks to me, He leads me, He heals me, He is my bestfriend, and there are times when I can feel him so thick in a room that I know if I open my eyes I will see his face. He is the king of Kings, Lord of Lords, the lover of my soul. He is what keeps me going, he is what makes everything ok, I can depend on him and lean on him more than any human being. Don’t waste one more day invite him to live in your heart. Invite him to just take over your life to carry the burden that is so heavy and always bringing you done. Let him be your direction when you don’t know what to do next you can’t see out of the place you are at; when you don’t know where to turn too. If you want the Jesus I know than all you have to do it let go and let him come and consume you. So if you want that than I encourage you to pray this pray right where you are
    “Lord Jesus, I want you and need you in my life. I confess all my sins and say that you have forgiven me when you died for me on the cross. You have taken all my burdens, all my worry, all shame, and all my pain. I accept you as my creator and Lord of my life, I accept the unconditional love you have for me. My life is no longer my own I need you to come and take it. I love you. Amen”

Follower of Jesus

So as many of you know about the news of our passports getting lost of stolen. We were in the process of getting our visas for outreach and on the way back they were sent to L.A. and were lost or stolen. The FBI is involved and all of our passports numbers have been flagged. Therefore, even if we were able to find our passports we can't use them and have to apply for new ones. We were suppose to leave for outreach this Monday on April 4th. We now have to report our passports lost/stolen and apply for a new one. there are many people from different countries and their visa for the USA are about to be up and will soon be deported. This is a very disappointing difficult time for everyone. It will be two weeks or more till we get our new passports but we are praying God will help that process go as fast as it can.

Everyone is working really hard here trying to figure out what needs to be done. For Americans we just have a lot of waiting to do, but  a lot of the international students are having a much harder time. Yesterday three people had to go back home to Norway and Australia because their visas were about to expire and had to get out of the country. We hope they will be returning to us soon.  A couple more people have to leave the country this weekend as well. Its hard to say goodbye to people that you were suppose to have two more months and its still unknown if they are coming back.

The hardest part is trying to see God's hand in all this and why would he let people go home. I feel like God is telling us to just throw everything upon him.  I am learning that I might be thinking I am waiting a long time, but God's timing is perfect and his is good no matter what. The other day we started singing "I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back no turning back" First the first time in my life I truly realized what it meant to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. No matter what the circumstance is or how much I don't understand and now matter how disappointed I am, I will follow Jesus.  The hard times  are gonna come and your not gonna understand why God is doing something, but instead of asking God "why" why not ask him "what".  God what are you doing through this what are you trying to teach me and show me?  You would think something like this wouldn't happen we are going on outreach to another country why wouldn't God wants us to do that, but we don't see the big picture like He does. We don't know whats going on in the spiritual realm.  God has everything under control.  This is a test for all of us here and to be honest this is a life changing outreach. God is teaching me things that could never have be taught if this didn't happen. We are all acting as a family working together and giving God it all. We will praise him through this hard time and He will come through!

Job 23:10 "But he knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold"

The Healing Power of Jesus

Wow where to begin on what has been happening here! Its hard to explain everything that God is doing because some of it is just so unreal. But anyway I will try to explain; so last week we talked on the Holy Spirit and we had a lady come to our DTS that is so anointed with the Holy Spirit.  She shared her testimony with us and then asked the Holy Spirit to come fill the place and oh man did he come! All of  a sudden a weight came over my whole body and it felt like something was almost pushing me down.  I couldn't keep my head up and I couldn't move. I tried lifting my arms and I could barely do it. I was so weak. I then just started crying as pictures of my life flashed before my eyes and then my mind was just went blank and I heard a voice say "Be still in Know that I AM God" God then continued to tell me that I am not in control of my life and to stop worrying about the pointless things because He already knows what is going to happen so I don't need to be worrying.  And then I just started to laugh uncontrollably I was so filled with the Joy of the Holy Spirit I couldn't control myself.  Well it took awhile for me to regain my strength, but I left feeling so free and so much at peace. The funny thing is that the week before that I kept asking God why he felt so distance from me and why I couldn't feel his presence as strong as before. Well God sure does come on His own timing.

Later that week we had someone come and speak that has a healing ministry and his gift is healing. This is when I really was just blown away.  So I was healed a few years ago; my knee had been injured by a horse and it never was the same.  It hurt to run, it hurt to stand for long periods of time, and to even walk sometimes, I constantly had to rub my knee and just try and deal with the pain.  At small group my group prayed over it and I'll I kept saying is that I faith that God can do this I don't have any unbelief I know he can heal me. My knee started popping and I felt like a warmth come over my knee almost like it was on fire and a tingling sensation.  God had reached down from heaven and placed his hand on my knee and fixed whatever was wrong inside of it. Ever since then my knee has had no pain and I have been able to run and stand normally! Praise the LORD. Anyways back to the speaker He was talking about how we don't necessarily have to lay hands on people in order for them to get healed but by just saying "Be healed in the name of Jesus" can be enough.   I have a really bad shoulder and my spine is crooked in one place and it makes cutting hair sometimes really difficult.  So I raised my hand saying that I could get healed from that. So he spoke out those words and I went on with the rest of my day thinking my back wasn't in that much pain, but not really thinking about my spine.  Well that night I was prompted to feel my spine so I ran my hand along the top of my spine and it was straight! I jumped up and felt it again there wasn't  a crooked spot in it anymore.  It was like the bone got put back into place, but it happened during the day like I didn't feel anything it just happened.  I waited to morning to tell anyone and to make sure that is was going to stay like that and it has.  My spine is straight and I gave a long layered haircut the next night and I had no pain when usually I would!  Haha God is soooo good.


So this is when you might not believe me, but I saw this with my own eyes.  So on Friday I got into my small group here and the speaker was in our classroom  healing people if anyone felt like God was telling them to go get healed. So some of my group went to get healed.  One girl went but when she got  there she felt like God told her to have her group pray for her.  So she came back to us telling us that. And before she even told us what was wrong with her I felt the Holy Spirit come on me and I got so excited to see this girl healed. Then she told us that one of her legs was longer then the other...yeah I know crazy huh? But I didn't care so we sat her down put her legs up and sure enough there was at least an inch or more difference, which was causing her to have a lot of back pain. So we started praying and then checked and sure enough it started to grow!!! So then we kept praying and it grew all the way out! We had her stand up and her knees matched and she no longer had any back pain! I was soooooo amazed I literally saw a huge difference between her two legs and now there was none. It amazing that anyone that has Jesus living inside of them can pray for someone and watch them get healed.  It doesn't have anything to do with who is praying for them, but with faith and exception God wants to use us to do the things He did.  He didn't create us to have things wrong with our body and He wants to heal us just because He loves us and doesn't want us to see us hurting, but we got to believe that He can!

I am so excited to go on outreach and see God work in miraculous ways! I am expecting God to do some big things that are going to stretch my faith in a crazy way!

Fallin in LOVE

So I have been a christian all my life and I love Jesus.  However, I never let myself fall actually IN love with him. This past week I have falling completely truly, deeply, madly in love with Jesus. I got set free from my past and the grip that it had on my future.  This last week I got baptized in the ocean. This is time is marked as a New Beginning for me and my life.  I understand now what the cross truly means and what Jesus did for me on that day. I gave up my rights to my family, to friends, to money, sleep, and etc... and declared that nothing is mine, but everything is His and that I'll give up anything to follow Him.  The most amazing thing happened this week and that was i truly learned how to forgive and the importance of forgiveness.  I got rid of so much bitterness that I had let build up over time.  Without forgiveness it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to be close and have a relationship with Jesus. It all made so much since I thought to myself "Wow no wonder why I couldn't get close to God" So I totally got rid of so much un-forgiveness and confessed so many things to different people. I truly can say what I never thought I was going to say, but I feel like a completely different person.  The things that I used to want are not the same things that I want now, the way I think about things are not at all the way that I used to think about stuff, and my opinions on things have changed so much.  I am starting to see through God's eyes.  Everyday I can hardly wait to see the next thing God is going to show me.  I am finally content with it just being me and God and having him control my life.  Its amazing how much God can do in just a few weeks and how your whole heart can be changed. Its hard to explain all the things that are going on here.  I feel like I am suppose to come back here and staff a DTS and then come to their Counseling School sometime next year or either in the fall of this year.  But this is something I am still praying about, but I love everything about this island and YWAM has so many connections and a great ministry program to get involved in. I encourage everyone that reads this to dig deep into the word and do whatever you can to hear God's voice!

Week 1 at Kona

So I have never blogged before, but since so many people encouraged me to do this so that they could keep up to date with what is going here in Hawaii and what amazing things God is doing in my life I decided to try it out.
 When I first got here it was very overwhelming one of the first things I was told when I registered was that this was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Well I have been here for  a week now and so far that is true.  Even though I don't feel like this is reality I have already struggled with feeling alone and just wanting to go home.  I feel so out of my comfort zone, but I think that is how God wants it to be.  I feel like he is trying to put me through some hard uncomfortable situations so that I am never satisfied with what I have, but I am always longing for more and seeking him to find it.  God gave me a verse in Ephesians during corporate worship on Monday that says "But Everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible.  This is why it is said "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. (5:13-14) This week I am just letting everything go and surrendering everything to God. Nothing else matters here, but drawing closer to him. I need to wake up and let him Shine in my life again.
 This week I also found out that I will being doing outreach in Asia.  I wasn't too happy about this at first because I didn't get to choose, but after a lot of prayer God is starting to give me a heart for Asia.  I am learning to open my mind and heart to different cultures.  I come to realize that the whole world is God's country and wherever I go should feel like home to me and I need to adapt and adjust to the culture.  It doesn't matter how different our lifestyles are as long as we worship Him and glorify Him that is all that maters. I am so excited to see what God has for next week. He is constantly speaking to my heart and giving me new things to work through. I have come to a better understanding of  how great his grace and love is.